The Marshmallow Experiment: The Power of Delayed Gratification

In the age of instant gratification, our digital habits have become both a convenience and a curse, shaping the landscape of our personal development.

We're bombarded with the allure of immediate rewards – from the dopamine hits of swiping through TikToks to the instant gratification of “just one more episode”.

But whether or not you like to admit it, we all know the truth: these seemingly harmless indulgences are hindering our long-term growth.

Let's delve into the uncomfortable reality of how the digital age, while offering unprecedented convenience, might be sabotaging our journey toward true personal fulfillment.

And more importantly, what are some strategies we can use to overcome the all-too-accessible comforts around us?

What the science says

Our ability to control our impulses is driven by what scientists call self-regulation. 

Quoting a study on pediatric obesity and impulse control:

I like to think of it as self-discipline but with an emphasis on how and what we do to achieve self-control.

The study I mentioned above demonstrates why—from a young age—we need to be made aware of and learn to control our impulses.

Self-regulation directly affects our health behaviors and our long-term health outcomes.

But that’s not all. An increasing body of evidence also supports that our ability to control our impulses and delay gratification is directly correlated with higher overall success in life.

What children & marshmallows taught us

A famous 1972 Stanford study followed a group of preschoolers who were offered a choice between eating one marshmallow immediately or waiting 15 minutes to eat two marshmallows.

The results were unambiguous and astounding.

Across the board, the children who were able to delay gratification were more likely to succeed in school and in life later on.

Crazy, right?

If that’s not enough to make you care about this idea, there is also overwhelming evidence that our ability to control our impulses and self-regulate has a huge effect on our relationships and even our overall happiness.

Now, back to the marshmallow test. You might be thinking to yourself: The kids born with better self-control had better life outcomes? That’s not really fair for everyone else.

And while it’s true that some of us are more genetically prone to falling to our impulses, scientists have actually measured the heritability of impulsivity and found it to be roughly 50%. Another classic case of nature vs nurture.

What does this mean?

Self-regulation is a skill we can practice and get better at.

No matter how bad of a hand we were dealt genetically, we have just as much power to influence our own self-control and ability to delay gratification.

The problem that we face is that self-regulation has become increasingly difficult as society has gone from a primal way of living to being surrounded by comforts and sources of immediate dopamine.

It’s getting harder and harder to self-regulate, and this means we need to be more deliberate than ever about controlling our impulses.

Take Action

This idea of controlling impulses and delaying gratification is something that I’ve centered a huge portion of my life around.

Here’s the mental model I’ve found a ton of success with.

1. Identify your triggers & practice being mindful of them.

What are the situations or things that typically lead you to act impulsively?

Once you know your triggers, you can start to avoid them or develop strategies for coping with them.

But it all starts with becoming aware of what your triggers are.

2. Be deliberate about avoiding these triggers.

One of the most effective ways you can start succumbing less to your impulses is to make them harder to reach.

Have a habit of doom-scrolling before bed and ruining your sleep?

Get an alarm clock and don’t keep your phone in your bedroom at night.

Systems like these are incredibly effective, because they don’t actually take a lot of willpower to implement, yet are incredibly effective.

Find other systems that increase the distance and effort between the impulse and reward.

3. Set goals and break them down into smaller steps.

Humans perform better when we set goals and make a plan to achieve them. Impulse control and delaying gratification are no different.

Create a plan that challenges you but is sustainable over the long term.

Center this plan around the triggers you’ve identified, and start small.

Make a daily micro-goal that is so small that you can’t refuse it.

It’s important that you find wins every day because this will compound into drastic changes over time.

Plant a seed every day, no matter how small it is. Soon enough, your garden will be flourishing.

4. Reward yourself for your progress.

Delaying gratification is hard because it denies our brain dopamine.

And while an unhealthy relationship with dopamine is the source of addiction and negative habits in our lives, it’s also the most neurochemical vehicle for making progress and achieving goals.

So it’s actually really important that we close the dopamine loop when we set a goal and put in the work.

For every sub-goal and milestone you reach towards your ultimate goal, reward yourself.

But always be aware that rewards are only beneficial for us if they reinforce the journey we took to get there.

They’re an important part of this process, but never the be-all and end-all.

As we navigate this intricate dance between our desire for instant gratification and the pursuit of enduring fulfillment, remember:

It's not about eliminating the impulse, but instead turning it into a catalyst for positive change.

Embrace the journey, challenge yourself, be aware of your triggers, and keep taking steps forward, no matter how small; and I promise you’ll soon find yourself carving a path toward a life rich in purpose and growth.